Pity Party Morning

Today is one of those days that I just want to go back to bed and curl up and not see the light of day until tomorrow morning.  In honor of those feelings I am having a pity party this morning, well until I get in the shower (where I am hardly interrupted and by myself) and surrender all of my anxieties over to God.

It is funny to me, that we think that the way our lives should go should follow our own plans/maps.  Oh I can't tell you how many times I have cried over the fact that my life isn't what I think it should be.  Oh I know life it not fair. I know that my life is so incredibly easy compared to 99% of the world, but that doesn't stop me from wanting and wishing it to be different.  As I see these words actually typed out I realize how ridiculously selfish that is.  I WANT things to go according to MY PLAN!  The Lord whispers to my soul that MY PLAN isn't what He has in-store for me and my life.  MY PLAN doesn't even begin to resemble what He has planned for my life.  It is so hard to accept that my timing isn't His timing and His timing is the only one that counts! The culture that we live in leads us to believe that we can have anything that we want instantaneously, right now.  We get so used to satisfying our every whim and heart's desire but I ask myself, is it really satisfying our soul's deepest desires? The easy answer would be of course it is satisfying those deepest desires, otherwise why would I be doing it. But the real answer is that satisfying our every whim usually leaves us with a fleeting and short lived satisfaction.  This satisfaction doesn't usually reach down to warm the deepest and emptiest places in our souls or hearts.

I WANT so much stuff!  Here is a short list I have complied for you in 30 seconds:

1.  My OWN house!
2.  100% job satisfaction for both my full-time and part-time jobs.
3.  For my husband to be appreciated for all that he does at his job and for that appreciation to be transferred into a fat compensation program...because as we all know money buys happiness.
4.  A household expense account that can withstand me satisfying my every whim and shopping trip.
5.  A child that sleeps through the night, every night.
6.  Laundry that washes, dries, folds and puts itself away.
7.  A maid and personal chef, so that I don't have to deal with the menial daily tasks.
8.  Perfectly behaved children.
9.  Knowing what my purpose in life is and how to achieve it.
10.  World peace, because what list would be complete without it.
11.  A deep and personal relationship with my Lord and Savior, one in which He calls me, His friend.

WOW!  I look like a completely self-absorbed and selfish person.  The only thing on this list that I can have a direct effect on is number 11.  Quite frankly does the rest of it even matter in the scheme of life?


(I will be back to post again later today but now I must go get in the shower.)